How do you know you’re in the closet? How do you stop wondering if you are part of the LGBTQ+ community because you think you are (actually) hetero or cis? When did you realized that you were following a normative just because you were freaking out?
The answers are… nope, I don’t know, I’m sorry if you were expecting something else. But I am looking for them to come today, or hopefully this year.
If you’re here, you may be questioning yourself too and I learned that it’s completely fine to do it. After all, we live in a world full of unresolved questions, but no, we’re not talking about that today. Now, let’s get a little private here, between us, did you ever thought that you don’t fit in everyone’s romance expectations? Or watched a movie and (nope, not hetero or cis couples that are supposed to be canon) said something like: wow, they should get married? Or, okay, here goes my last question: did you cry whenever someone came out of the closet in movies, tv shows, whatever that’s outside of your family, friends, etc? Because that’s how I knew that I was 100% into the closet. Well, no, it wasn’t like that, it was actually Youtube’s recommendations fault. And then Clairo with her song “Sofia” made it even clearer, then again music hit me with “We fell in love in October” and GOD, THEN “THE VILLAGE” FROM WRABEL, YOU ARE JUST NOT PREPARED FOR THAT SONG. I mean, I didn’t knew I was in the closet before that top 3 of my playlist, I cried my heart out and suddenly everything made sense to me.
The funny (not-so-funny) part about it (let’s call it the awakening because it sounds so amazing) is when you know it and without any effort you start doing jokes about it, also begging this secret glancing at your family like they know it and are just ignoring it, and even when you watch your nearest persons and ask yourself if they could be struggling with the same self-questioning, knowing-in-silence-that-you-are-lowkey-not-hetero or they are just thinking about cheese.
And the last part, but not less important, is the one who not everyone talks about. This one is called: questioning if you are (gay, bi, lesbian, trans, queer, asexual, and everything that comes to your mind right now) enough, second is starting to realize that you don’t know who you can trust or go out of the closet with, then struggle with the fantasies of being in love and surprise! again realizing that you don’t want to be in love because you are too scared of going out in front of your family, friends, or strangers who might be extremely homophobic, biphobic, transphobic, and that kind of hurt-everyone-around-them-because-they-are-trash people.
ANYGAYS, maybe I was too shady over there, but weird things happens every day, huh?
Now, I sincerely hope that you can go out soon, or enjoy about the “yay, i came out and everything is better than i thought!!!” And, for the ones that don’t read this over the same reason I was writing, well, I’m glad you came by, and I hope you all are loved, hydrated, and taking care of yourselves, I’m sure you deserve it.
Peace out!
